A collection of Alias Fanfics
by Kaikura Tenshi
Summary: okay, to make this easy, I'm putting all of my Alias fics together, they're not really related and there's less titles involved...please r&r!!
1. Impressionism meets poetry

Disclaimer: I don't own Alias...if I did, this would be much more accurate and it would have a certain time it took place...and I'd be bloody rich too...  
  
  
  
A/N: This from Sydney's pov. She's just finished a mission and something went wrong-somebody died or she just learned what SD6 really is or something significant...decide for yourself. It's her drifting in and out of the thoughts she was experiencing right after it happened and the day after as she thinks back on it...enjoy and review with and comments or suggestions please, never finished revising completely...ooops...well, I guess it's an impressionistic poem, you can fill in the missing blanks, YEAH!! Less work for the lazy author!!  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
I was lying there in a land I don't now in the freezing rain yesterday  
  
Lying alone, my face in the ground as my body pulsed with pain  
  
I couldn't move, I couldn't see, I couldn't fight the strain  
  
I heard the footsteps coming, and I just couldn't hide my shame  
  
  
  
Broken, alone, my life's not my own...and now it never will be  
  
Because everything I've come to know, it's too much reality  
  
And everyone I've come to love, they can never see  
  
That I am nothing but a lie...and freedom's never free  
  
  
  
  
  
I can't tell if I'm crying or if it's rain running down my face  
  
It never should've been like this, but time will not erase  
  
The things I've known, the things I've seen-oh, where's my saving grace  
  
But I know now I must press on and I cannot leave a trace  
  
  
  
  
  
Footsteps splashing stop beside where my broken pride now lies  
  
His shoe softly pokes my leg as he lets out a little sigh  
  
"Come on Syd, get up. Let's go...and please don't start to cry."  
  
His hand falls on my limp shoulder, and I must be dignified  
  
  
  
  
  
Suddenly I feel my blood spilling out across the ground  
  
I think he already knows though my lips won't make a sound  
  
As he flips me onto my back, pain screams out like a hound  
  
I am very cautious to make sure no weakness can be found  
  
  
  
  
  
I try to pull myself together, but I can barely move  
  
His eyes look sad and worried as they meet mine, and we must choose  
  
What to do to get out of here before it's one of us we lose  
  
He drags me up and I can feel the water seem through my shoes  
  
  
  
When drapes his coat uselessly around me, I know there's nothing I need to prove  
  
  
  
Pulling me slowly to my feet as I struggle to stay upright  
  
I know the important things I've done will be covered up tonight  
  
And as he half carries me off and out of sight  
  
Underneath his wing I know that I will soon take flight  
  
  
  
I have to...there's no other way out...  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
Review please, you're so close, just click the little button...please?? 


	2. Confuzzled

Disclaimer: Even thought I wish I owned Alias, I don't...I guess I'll just have to learn to deal with it.  
  
  
  
A/N: Okay, this is based off of yesterday's episode, just after she learns that she's not infected with evil disease, but before she knows that Vaughn (Thanks for the spelling help all of you out there. Arigato!!) is "not" infected. (But they can't kill him...they just can't!!) PLEASE review!! Please?? * puppy eyes *  
  
  
  
  
  
I thought that I finally had my life under control. Now I could tell the bad guys from the good guys. I knew who as lying when they said they were trying to help the nation, and me. But then she showed up, and my father went nuts, and I don't know what to do anymore...  
  
I think I liked it better when I thought she was dead. It made my life so much simpler. I don't know what to think of her either. First she shoots me, and then she helps me...it's the most dangerous case of PMS I've ever seen.  
  
And my father...the minute she showed up, all of these secrets came up that I almost wish I'd never know.  
  
What happened to my life? Where did it all go wrong? And whose fault is it?  
  
I can still remember when I as a little girl and I was jealous of all my classmates who had two parents that were always there for them while I sat by myself, my father off who knows where doing who knows what on business, and my mother supposedly dead. I remember wishing I had a special bond with my parents.  
  
Now, looking at the bonds I do have, I think that I liked wishing better. Or I while my father was the only one I could trust...until the day my mother shot me... --- And some families think that they're messed up? Some people call spanking a child abuse? Some families think their small disagreements are cause for divorce? ---  
  
And then, on top of it all, he nearly kills me!  
  
I cannot believe the pit of madness I've fallen into. I've learned way too much about the people around me.  
  
I used to know who was lying, and who was telling the truth...now I'm not so sure. My voice of reason has been suffocated, and the people I thought I hated, I'm trying to save...  
  
Who forgot to inform me that my life was a time bomb waiting to burst up into my face?  
  
And in all this, it seems that the one person I can talk to "freely" and understands me I can't be seen in public with and is about to die...maybe... I don't know what's happening, but I want it to stop! I want my life back-or at least, whatever is salvageable of my sanity.  
  
And in this whole mess, I can't tell left from right, or light from dark, the lines are fuzzy. Right and left, good and bad, day and night, up and down, truth and lie, black and white, fire and ice-they all blend together in the chaos of my mind.  
  
Who can I trust? I just want to stop thinking and go blank for a while-I want my life back-why can't I just forget?  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
Review...bitte und danke!! 


	3. What Will Wonders

FROM WILL'S POINT OF VIEW!!!  
  
Disclaimer: I don't own Alias...if I did, I wouldn't be writing fanfiction, I would be writing this in a script and/or book.  
  
A/N: This is from Will's point of vie, even though I said at the beginning that I would only group Syd's stuff together. Too bad, you'll just have to deal with it. I've got some more of Syd's POV and maybe Vaughn later, but for now, I hope you survive with this.  
  
Okay, so these are some of Will's thoughts after the time a long, long time ago when he gets captured for publishing the story about SD6 and all THAT jazz. He's been rescued and is thinking about Syd, yeah, I know, how original!! Please read, enjoy and review.  
  
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"You can't see this bruise, can you?" She turned from the mirror so quickly after the last touch of concealer on a sponge that it startled me. Her hair spun around her head, and floated gently into place around her thin neck. After it settled, she brushed a bit of it behind her left ear, just like she always does. It's one of those things she does without thinking. I like it.  
  
I was dumbfounded as I stared into her dark, warm eyes. I just couldn't move for a moment. My jaw hung open in shock and disbelief. She surprised me even now. I finally shook my head and mumbled, "No."  
  
I'll miss that bruise. I don't why I'm so attached to it. All I know is that she got it the night she saved my life.  
  
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I don't know why, but I just keep re-living it over and over. Everything.  
  
I can feel my teeth being yanked out  
  
Blood running down my fore head  
  
Fear and pain pulsing through every cell of my body  
  
The dizzy buzz after a shot of heroine  
  
The taste of bile being expelled into a porcelain bowl  
  
...and the look on her face when I finally saw her again  
  
I thought she was glowing at first. She's a lot like an angel for me. I never thought that after so much pain, I would be so happy. I think I like all of these secrets between us.  
  
I can tell that she's so relieved that I know just about everything. I also know that she feels guilty for being happy about my recent y acquired knowledge. I could see it in her yes before she told me.  
  
But that's okay. Now that I'm safe, I'm happy to keep secrets so that she doesn't have to...she spends more time worrying and working than living. And now that I've become a forced drug addict, I've got nothing better to do.  
  
After all, nobody else trusts me... 


	4. Meditations on Marshall

Disclaimer: If you haven't figured it out by now, see the previous chapters  
  
A/N: This is Sydney's thoughts on Marshall after the one episode where they captured him and then he was tortured and stuff, and they were GOING to take him to the CIA, but didn't cuz he was stolen, and then they got him back, YEAH, and now is when I come in. So, yeah, like I said before, these are Syd's thoughts at about that time.  
  
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The way the moon glinted off his eyes made me shiver. I didn't know what to think...  
  
Or maybe I was thinking too many things at the same time.  
  
I wasn't sure whether I was extatic, impressed, grateful, scared, relieved, shocked, bewildered, confused, amazed, or all at the same time. He was just beaming at me and suddenly the guns stopped-at least in my mind-and before I knew it, Marshall and I were floating to the ground in a jacket liner. The pride he has in his work astounds me to no end...I just wish he wasn't working where he is.  
  
I'm actually surprised that he hasn't figured it out on his own yet. His mind both amazes and scared me. I hope that we can straighten him out soon. His head and heart are in the right place, I just wish his feet would follow.  
  
And at the same time, I don't want him to be like me, always watching my back, and not wanting to talk for fear of letting something slip when even a whisper could cost me my life, covering tracks, and sometimes making them, constantly wishing and hoping and PRAYING that no one sees through you.  
  
But Marshall, he's got a quick mind, he'd get used to it easily.  
  
I just wish that for all the times he's saved my butt, if just this once I could help him. I have nothing else to give.  
  
How else do you repay someone for your life? 


	5. The Day Dixon Dies, almost

Diaclaimer: I don't own Alias, nor any of the characters, nor some of the dialougue. If I did, I would make the fight sequences more realistic, and Jennifer Garner would wear more clothing at some points...  
  
A/N: Okay, This would work a lot better if I could format it how I want it to, but the stuff between *'s are lines to a song by Everclear that relate to this, and are kind if playing in the background, and breaking up the dialogue, you know, stylistic stuff, I would've put it in Italics, and separated t from the rest of the story a bit more, but this is fanfiction.net, so...  
  
It's Dixon's thoughts while preparing to jump off of the bridge from last Sunday's episode, or at least I hope it is, tell me what you think, cuz I'm not sure if I conveyed it right, and it's just a hopeful idea.  
  
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* The only thing that ever made sense to me Is the words to a song from an American movie... *  
  
I step out of the car, and all of my senses are heightened. Of all the missions I've been on, I cannot think of a time when I was this tense or nervous. I cannot remember a time when my pulse was this quick.  
  
I am aware of everything around me. I hear no wind, but I can almost feel a gentle breeze. There's a truck about 700 yards away-I can smell it's exhaust. There's a rabbit or squirrel in the undergrowth at the edge of the bridge-the bushes rustle with his every move. I can feel the uneven pavement beneath my feet. Pavement I have walked over so many times, but never really noticed. There is no one here. Just me, and the remainder of my life in pieces on the floor.  
  
A warm tear rolls down my cheek, and I make no move to stop it. I am alone. My pulse quickens...  
  
* The only thing that ever made sense in my life...*  
  
I can feel my blood pulsing through every part of my body: my feet, my hands, my head...my heart. I can hear it in my ears like a thousand drums closing in around me. My heart taunts me as I my hands grip firmly around the cold railing. I need to escape it, this is torture!!  
  
Make it stop!! Can't anyone make it stop??  
  
I am weeping openly now, but I don't care. I can feel the stinging breeze on my wet face. I have nothing more to do-nothing else to give.  
  
But I cannot ignore the futile beating of my heart. The beating will be over soon-everything will be over soon: the pain, the fear, the grief, and that sick, horrible, mocking beating. I will make them stop. Doesn't my heart know that I am already dead without her??  
  
I have never balanced like this before...not caring weather or not I fall, but at the same time, still standing. There is only one thing left to do now.  
  
I lift my hands and face up to the blank moon. I remember the flames engulfing my wife-my life-like it is happening in front of my...I can feel the heat and sweat on my still tearstained face.  
  
I have nothing to loose.  
  
God, you know that I cannot do this alone. I need Diane. Without her I am nothing, that's why I'm here now.  
  
Forgive me-there's nowhere to go, nothing I can do...I have nothing to live for...  
  
That sound, wait I know that sound! That is the sound of a baby crying...  
  
* Is the sound of my little girl laughing through the window of a summer night...*  
  
Oh God-Thank you! My babies! How could I forget my babies?? The years we spent raising them were not in vain. To think that I almost left my babies!  
  
As I collapse onto the cool railing I weep for everything-my loss, my selfishness, my wife, and my babies. I want to live to see my babies...  
  
* I sit alone on the back porch wishing I could be inside Just the sound of my little girl laughing... *  
  
I can remember now...4 am feedings, midnight diaper runs, the first day of kindergarden, fevers and Christmas presents. I remember that they need me like I need her.  
  
I remember that I don't want to die, I want her to be alive.  
  
I remember everything...  
  
* Makes me happy just to be alive... *  
  
I can feel again. I feel pain, and heartbreak and an overpowering loneliness, but I also feel pure joy and love. Love that I was too blind to see...  
  
But no longer. I will live to see another day. For me, for my wife, for my babies. I will not do this to the people who have done and are doing too much for me.  
  
* It makes me happy just to be alive... *  
  
I have people to thank-and people to get even with-I have plenty to live for. Like Sydney, she's still out there fighting for me now. If she can lie for me, she can help me. She can help me thank, but most of all, she can help me with one problem-Sloane.  
  
Oh, a car seat never felt so comfortable...and I can't wait to hug my babies.  
  
* ...It makes me happy just to be alive... *  
  
I have never been so aware of my driving-I want to get home quickly, but I must get there safely. I have a life to live.  
  
I have a purpose.  
  
I have things to make right.  
  
I have people to see.  
  
The flashing, glaring streetlights are such a gentle, welcome reminder of the life I've found...  
  
...mine  
  
* ...It makes me happy just to be alive. * 


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